I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
