Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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