So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize