My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
