May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
