I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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