At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
