I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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