Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
