On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
