Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Mom said you looked used
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
