She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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