rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
