Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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