listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
