Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
