is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
