so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
