My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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