The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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