He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
