I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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