So gin and wine won't be happening again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
