My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
