He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
