I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Randomize
