Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
