does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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