Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
