come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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