i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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