Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
