Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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