Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
