He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
