my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
