I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
