this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
