so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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