I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
