Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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