I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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