i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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