you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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