all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
