I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
