Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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