man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.