I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
