Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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