she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
