Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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