dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
