I want to make a zoo with you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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