Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
