My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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