I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
two words...techno handjob
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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