2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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