We named our party play list daddy issues
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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