ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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