I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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