ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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