After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
FUCK WHALES
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
