don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
